Not too sure what it was that happened?
I've had a previous sexual relationship with a guy it was casual and on and off over a few months. Last time we slept together was around 6 months ago, he's a nice guy and has never demonstrated any nasty or innapropriate behaviour towards me. Last weekend I got chatting to him over social media late at night (we had both been drinking) and arranged for me to pop over for a drink, so I walked over to his 15 mins after. we share the same friends and we have done this before since our last sexual encounter and that is all we done, drunk, chat and have a laugh NO sex. Things went well we was chatting and I even mentioned about a guy I liked , there was a really friendly normal atmosphere. We was both drunk and the next min we knew it was light outside!! I didn't fancy doing the walk of shame so he said I could sleep so I did. I got in his bed and he followed I started to fall asleep but he started fooling around I was laughing but said no we best not. He kept trying to fool about again and I started to feel uncomfortable and got a nervous, he took my pants off giggling and I was trying to stop him but they ended up off. I then repetedly said no to him but he got on top of me I tried pushing him off but I couldn't as he was much stronger that me, he didn't stop after me saying no many of times, again. It happened so fast and after it I just rolled over and he asked me if I was ok.
I keep thinking now maybe he though I was joking saying it but I'm finding that difficult to believe and I said no and 'get off me' many of times. I don't want to use the word rape as It just doesn't seem like the typical rape situation and I feel I put myself in that situation as I got in his bed.
I can't get this out of my head I keep getting upset about it. Im starting a new job next week and I just can't concentrate. He's not a monster, I don't know what to do. I don't want to report him as I don't know if there is even anything to report? I'm so confused I don't have anyone to talk to about this, I feel like I'm loosing my mind
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