Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

not completely sure if it was rape

Well this is my story and I am still not sure if I was raped by my boyfriend.

When I was 17 I worked as a hostess in a restaurant, and my shift was usually the night shift. I got ready for work and suddenly my boyfriend came to pick me up supposedly to drop me off at work, which by the way he had never done before. Well while in the car he seemed angry and asked that I call out of work so we could talk about what was bothering him. I called out sick that night and we went off to talk about his issue, he tells me we would go to his appartment to go get something he forgot so I went along not giving it to much thought. We arrive at his appartment and no one is there but us two, he takes me to his room and plays music and starts to look for something while I just wait sitting on his computer chair. He then asked me to stand up and dance a little with him, so I do. Then he starts to kiss me with a passion I've never seen before. Some how we end up naked and as I am standing in front of him I then realize what is about to happen and I say no I can't do this and I start to look around for my clothes. He pins me to the wall and says " we are naked and you can't leave me like this" I continue to tell him I am not ready for sex. So he continues to be persuasive and some how I feel guilty into having sex with him, he starts to kiss me again rough this time and guides me to the bed where he penetrated me hard to the point of me screaming and him covering my mouth so none of the neighbors could hear me. As he penetrated me I laid there waiting for him to be done and for this pain to go away. Well he finishes and I just feel ugly, dirty, and ashamed because I let the guilt take over me. I am not sure if this is rape, but I can tell you I don't feel good about it at all.

 

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2 thoughts on “not completely sure if it was rape

  • Admin says:

    Hi. I’m sorry that your boyfriend chose to hurt. This is absolutely rape. You said no and he ignored you. This is not your fault. We believe you.

    These are the free phone numbers for the national rape crisis organisations in the UK. The phone lines are staffed by trained volunteers who are there to listen. You can also find local support services on their websites.

    Rape Crisis Scotland: http://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk
    Freephone 08088 01 03 02
    (Every day, 6pm to midnight)

    Rape Crisis England/ Wales: http://rapecrisis.org.uk
    Freephone 0808 802 9999
    (12-2.30pm and 7-9.30pm every day, and 3-5.30pm weekdays)

  • Kirsten says:

    Your boyfriend raped you. It wasn’t your fault, you did nothing to deserve it, and he is in the wrong.