Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

No one beleives me

I was adopted when I was 3 years old. Abandoned and neglected by my birth mother. I joined a family along with my biological sister. My adopted parents already had 2 children of their own. We were their first foster children and their last. I don't quite know when it started but my earliest memory was me laying on my bed getting spanked with a thick black belt that had 3 different latches and the holes to match by my mother. I still shiver when I think about it. There were times I had bruises from the "spankings". There were times I would be ashamed wondering if anyone could see them. It didn't stop there from what I could remember. It went on to marks on my face, and other cruel punishment. At such a young age and being abandoned by my own mom, I though this was normal and then I also thought I just want her to love me. As a teenager, I was quite rebellious for obvious reasons. I remember one point in time she found out I had snuck a bikini from a friend.. She made me put it on, told me I was a slut and then proceeded to cut it off of me with scissors. I remember standing there ashamed of being naked, and confused. The words and name calling didn't stop there but I would be here all day. When I was 15 yrs old, my adopted brothers friend sexually abused me.. That's how I lost my virginity. It was gone just like that. I told her.. she did nothing. When I found a boy who I thought I loved, I made my own decision and had sex with him. I got pregnant. She called me horrible things.. Was so angry. But why wasn't she that angry when I was sexually assaulted? In my adult life, I finally had the nerve to confront her of all the things that happened. Now, Im being told Im lying, Im crazy, I need medication, and that it was just regular discipline. Is it?

 

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2 thoughts on “No one beleives me

  • Katie says:

    I believe you. It happened. Don’t doubt yourself. It is not just discipline. You were physically and emotionally abused by her and sexually abused by your adopted brother’s friend. It’s likely that your adopted mother is a narcissist or sociopath. Read up about them. They never admit their abuse and often use “gas lighting” techniques to try to confuse you and make other people think you are a liar.

    I also lost my virginity by rape and I am sorry that this happened to you as well.

    You deserve to be validated in your experiences but I doubt you will ever get that from her. Find other people who will believe you and share your experiences with them. Read about emotional abuse as it is healing to know that you are not alone and understand how these abusers act.

    I hope you find peace and healing. You deserve it.

    Katie

  • Lynda says:

    Dear Anon, i to believe you nobody goes through this kind of abuse and lies about it. I too try to confront my own mum about the abuse i suffered from her reaction was to attack me. Nobody deserves this kind of abuse and humiliation and put down because of their being a young teenager and for just wearing a bathing suit. This is not your fault you were still a child your adopted mum was the adult and she needs to take responsible for the way she behaved to you. Also to disclose and to be treated this way from your mum is the cruellest thing of all to disbelieve you. i’ve been through similar with my mum disclosing to her when i was 18 years old she said she believed me and then couldn t deal with the guilt and 6 months later she called me a liar and that was one of the most painful things a parent can say to a child. I do not see my mum for years i wanted her to love me and i know that it was an unobtainable goal so i’ve learnt to love me and my inner child myself and to be a mum to my inner child. Thanks for sharing abuse is never the victims fault but is always the perpetrators fault they choose to use violence against you but it’s not your fault its their and their’s alone.
    i would urge to get counselling and work through your issues about your mum and the raped that happened to you as a teenager. thanks for sharing your brave and courageous and their our many of us who ve been their take care keep safe kind regards Lynda