Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Never call your child a liar

I am a nice person. I don't tell lies. My family are not nice people. They don't like me, and that's fine. They have always allowed me to live in their house, and although they don't support me in any other manner I have friends to fill such a role. But my family are guilty of one fundamental injustice which I will never forgive. They call me a liar.

I am talking about small things, in principle. The other day I told them about Fruitarians, people who only eat nuts and fruit so they never kill any creatures. They called me a liar. I proved that these people exist with the help of Google: no apology. This is a frequent occurrence, they call me a liar and when I prove them wrong they just stare at me, then they do it again. It's often in front of guests: my mother loves attention and will do anything to make me look stupid.

But it has a dangerous side. My parents do not know any of the abuses and struggles which I have suffered. I am an adult and do not need their help in looking after myself, but they will never get the fundamental right obliged to all decent parents: my trust.

So what I would really like to say is this: if you have children, please never call them a liar. Otherwise you foster resentment, especially if they are telling the truth.

In some cases of abuse, I told people and they called me a liar and that hurt worse than the memories; to know that someone who supposedly loved me didn't believe me when I said something so earth shattering that only a vile human would make it up.

The fear of this happening again is what drives me to keep secrets from my parents. I don't want them to find out what happened but part of me wants them to find out that I kept these secrets from them and for them to feel ashamed.

 

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One thought on “Never call your child a liar

  • Admin says:

    Thank you for sharing this with us – we believe you.

    Calling children liars is damaging – we know children tell fibs (I lied about eating the last biscuits!) but lying about sexual abuse is very rare.

    We know that not all parents listen or hear their children, and we are sorry that you have had this experience.

    We offer a list of organisations who can support you to manage the feelings associated with this on our Get Support page.

    Sending peaceful thoughts x