Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

My partner used the internet to abuse/spy on me

While I was in my last relationship my partner used the internet to control/abuse me in various ways.

He had a blog and would comment about my shortcomings, have a go at me, etc where all our acquaintances, friends or enemies could read. When I said this was not ok to have a go at your partner in public,(It's very disrespectful) I was told not to censor his blog or I know where the door is!

But if I said anything he didn't like online he made pages on abuse sites slandering me and detailing all my supposed faults. These could be read by people just meeting me, and may have far reaching effects.

When we split up and I was interested in someone else online, it escalated to him turning up on forums I was on, to make threads flaming me. All this was done under pseudonyms but quite obvious ones.

Another thing he did was surveillance of my email and facebook so he knew a lot of private communication I had with friends. He would not really make a secret of this but instead make it clear he was doing it, would ask me about sites I'd signed up to etc so as to make it clear what he was doing, as an instrument of control. It made it so I couldn't even speak about what was happening or about my feelings via email to friends or professionals.

We've been split up a few years now and I still was under surveillance for a long time. It might still be going on/will probably recur in future. I'm trying not to care, and also he can't control/know about everything I do in the 'real' world :)

 

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