Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

My husband laughed and blamed me about being assaulted

This is so hard to write, but the other night my husband and I attended a charity event about mental health awareness with some friends. One lady on stage told of her encounter and it really got me worked up and sad for her. Well, my husband knew of twice that I had been assaulted. Once, from a business owner that pushed me into the men's bathroom, I was 19 and had just moved to the city. I fought him and he let me go, but he could have easily raped me because of his size. I had gone there for lunch, I went back to work next door and just kept it to myself. The next time I was being harassed at work verbally unroll one day one guy "accidentally" touched my boob. I was a single mother and needed this job but I eventually told management, which was so scary and hard and worried about losing my job, but I still filed a complaint. They were written up... soo the guy I was seriously in love with responded that it shouldn't have happened but that I was too friendly and flirty so I brought it upon myself. Fast forward a few years, we were married and had a child along with my child from my ex husband. I went to an event with my husband's bf, and yes we had drinks at a bball game and then went to a near by bar, I don't know if I really became heavily intoxicated or what but I didn't feel safe or in control- I remember him going to the restroom and i noticed my jeans in the back was tore- I went outside called my husband to please come get me i knew I couldn't drive and really needed him to come take me home. He was very upset with me and yelled at me that he had to do this and told me just to go back to his friends house this was his best friend and I didn't know what to do; he eventually said he would come and get me but that he would meet me at his friends house so his friend drove me back to his house where I laid on the couch acting asleep and realized he was right there over me and doing stuff he shouldn't have been I was so afraid and I couldn't believe that this was happenin... when my husband got there I was outside crying and he just assumed I was just drunk. he sat there talking to his friend for a while then drove me home and yelled at me for being intoxicated so much that I couldn't drive I was too afraid to tell him what happened because I thought he would blame me. So we eventually stopped hanging out with them and I was blamed for ruining their relationship because of always making excuses why we couldn't hang out. Its been 10 years and the other night after the event and hearing that lady's story I thought I had the courage to finally tell him what his friend did to me and instead of supporting me he laughed and told me it was my fault again. And that I have issues and should call a hotline if I need support.

 

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One thought on “My husband laughed and blamed me about being assaulted

  • Kate says:

    I believe you Cat. About three years ago something similar happened between a mutual friend of my partner’s and I. I can commiserate, it’s an awful situation to be in, but remebr that it’s not your fault! You were in a vulnerable position and someone who knew you, took advantage of you. You are not to blame.