Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

my boyfriend blames me for being raped

I was in campus that day.My cousin asked me to visit him at his house to chill out with him.I was looking forward to spend time with him because he was a 'good guy',everyone at home including parents knew him as a good responsible man.After taking supper he asked me to sleep on the bed then he will sleep on the couch..I couldn't agree more.But once I started falling asleep i felt his hand touching me,I asked him why he did that,then he said that I could not step out of that house without us doing anything.I could not believe it I tried fighting him off,he was busy stripping himself down,i ran towards the toilet,he grabbed my feet and pulled my pyjama down,I got up and ran to washroom,he then pushed the door open and pulled me out...damn he was so strong,I told him not to do it,i said a million words but non could get to him.I threw things at him but he didn't seem to feel a thing.He pushed me onto his bed and pressed my face on his pillow,turned the music loud so that no one could hear anything even my screams,then he raped me,it was the most painful thing i had ever experienced.I could not get out and go back to school because the roads here are not safe and I could get raped dozen of times if i decide to go at that time.I waited alone crying at night for dawn.He was comfortably sleeping.When it dawned i tried to leave then He caught me again and raped me again,I was so helpless coz i hadn't slept well,he did the same thing he did at night.He got what he wanted.I went back to school so messed up.I was afraid of telling anyone but eventually I opened up to my boyfriend but I was afraid to tell him so I lied,I was wrong to do that but i was in so much pain and confusion all by myself.I just could not stand that pain.Ive never told my parents because I am so afraid of hurting them Id rather deal with it alone.He could not believe me,he called me many bad names and said that he will never trust me.He even dared to ask me how many men I have slept with in school..damn.He wasn't perfect either but i always forgave him when he made mistakes but he just could not understand me this once when I needed him most.I tried explain the story to him every single time but its like he was enjoying seeing me comforting him and he doesn't even care about how it affects me .He eventually said that I allowed my cousin to rape me then he dumped me. God only knows how broken I am on the inside.I am really trying my best to move on but i also need someone to tell me something because I feel like shit right now.

 

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