Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Marriage and abuse (content note)

I hope this helps someone else..

I married my best friend or so I thought.. My marriage was over ten years and things had radially. I was pregnant with my last child 27 weeks J. Just decided to go for coffee where the baristas dress in lingerie and young. It was fine. After grabbing coffee he proceeded to tell me how he would screw this 25 yr old women.. I am pregnant with our child.It did not end there.. afew days later I got an email from my cybersitter. I found out he was talking to three women , had them send him pix of their assets to the phone I paid for..He had told these women we were divorced and his crazy ex would not let him see his kids. we lived in the same house.i was betrayed.Yet I stayed due to so many dumb reasons now.After giving birth to my son I went back to work full time, I ended up being alone , in my responsibility for family. Did it all. Bills, kids, house I dealt with it all add in my driving the ex to work he worked graveyard. He yelled at me at least three times a week.. my days started at 330am and sometime didn't end until 12am.. it went on until my health failed me had to have surgery.the thought of helping me never crossed his mind. My daughter who was a teen helped more than he did.. worst part was I realized I had no respect from him, living with him was Torture, he was negative yelling and it was hostile all the time. After surgery I went back to work full time, juggling responsibility, most days I was ready to l sleep for a week.. But that wasn't enough to the two day or nights he was off work his expectations were that I give him sex. When I did not want to he basically made life rough.. he raped me several times,the last time it happened I got severely depressed.. thank God for two friends who realized my smile was lost and something was wrong .. with their support, therapy and love for my kids .. I filed for divorce. My sons will not treat a woman like she is nothing, make her feel invisible or like she is crazy.. my friends reminded me that I am loved, deserve respect, and my kids deserve better.. my ex knew so much and I was so hurt he would do this to me.. He betrayed me so many times. When I finally filed, you know he had enough nerve to act like he did nothing wrong..He was the victim losing his family, or that he wanted his wife so much . He is the one that needs help. Being Married doesn't change whether you get abused or not. I got help through some great people..

 

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