Looking for advice.. A month ago I was raped by a "friend" of mine and my husbands. I will try to keep this short and to the point. I went out for a girls night with my friends, I hadn't drank in months and ended up completly obliterated after a couple hours. My closest friend left and I was with a couple of her friends who I didn't know too well. They left after offering me a ride home and me declining saying I wanted to stay because I was having fun. I was at a bar where I knew some other people and the bartenders pretty well. The male bartender being the mutual friend of my husband and mine. I threw up in the bathroom and the our "friend" said he had to stop serving me and also told me I could not drive home. He then told me he would take me and I had no problem with that considering he had always looked out for me before when I was there. Long story short, after agreeing to a ride from him when he's off I don't remember anything. A couple people I know from there told me afterwards I was singing karaoke and having a blast but I have no recollection. Next thing I remember is I was on top of him in his truck, naked. I remember saying stop and getting out of the truck looking for my clothes and realizing we were in HIS driveway. I puked and told him to take me to my car which he did and I went home. I felt sick to my stomach for days following and finally my weekly therapy appointment came about and I told my therapist the everything. Before talking to her I was blaming myself and told my self I cheated on my husband. She made it clear to me what happened happened TO me and that I was raped. Hearing and understanding that made me feel even worse. Later that week I told my husband everything and since then has been horrible. He is blaming me and feeling sorry for himself that I "cheated" on him. One minute he will say he's sorry that happened to me like he actually gets what happened to me and the next he is making it about him and how I messed up. He is also an alcoholic and that is not helping anything. He got drunk at a friends house and told them I cheated on him. I am so confused and upset because if I tel him it hurts me when he does these things he apologizes and tells me how much he loves me and he is so sorry that happened to me and he's just having a hard time. But meanwhile I am still trying not to blame myself as it is and when these things happen it makes it worse. What do I do? Is anyone else in a situation simalar to mine? I love my husband so much but don't know if I am letting him manipulate me and he is actually an asshole or if he is struggling just like I am but dealing with it differently. Him being an alcoholic makes it impossible to try to resolve this and I have no idea where to go from here.
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