I was with my partner for a long time, and we had children together.
He became mentally ill a few years ago, with a couple of major breakdowns and admissions to hospital. Off work for a long time, he said that he felt powerless and angry a lot of the time. Gradually his behaviour changed torwards me. He would say that the only area of his life he could control was sex, which he forced me in to.
He was withdrawn and angry and i dreaded it happening all the time - I started having panic attacks and couldn't sleep. I had anxiety and depression.
I made the decision to leave as i was becoming ill and my children were suffering. For a long time i didn't believe that it was his fault, i felt i just wasn't managing it properly. He said that it wouldn't happen if i didn't take him for granted.
Our families reacted with such surprise and disappointment. When I told my mother what had been happening, she suggested that men can feel quite entitled, that's how it is, it's different for women. His family felt that i wasn't giving him enough of a chance. I kept quiet about what had gone on with most people as the only ones i told reacted with such disbelief. I must have got it wrong.
Now, he's still unwell, there is no support, he's still such a big part of my life because i don't know how to manage this at all. I try to support him because he's often suicidal and I fear being blamed. I fear being responsible.
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