Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

I was robbed.

I was less than a month away from my 20th birthday & a virgin,I was going to a Halloween party for the first time with some friends pretty far from home (i was pretty sheltered). I had been drinking pretty heavily for hours before the party & sending flirty texts to a guy I knew. I made it to the party with my friends & we continued to drink, dance & smoked some hookah. It was one of the best times i ever had. It was really late (maybe 2am) & i needed to get somewhere & rest, i definetly over did it with the drinking. I called the guy i was flirting with earlier that day & asked him to pick me up because I was to drunk to get home & he lived nearby. I don't remember much after getting in his car except us going to the gas station & then arriving at his house. Once inside he showed me to his room where I immediately plopped on his bed (on my stomach) & started falling asleep, he asked me if i wanted a drink but i told him no..then he asked me "then why did you come here" I told him "to sleep" & I passed out.....soon after i started to feel the zipper to my dress being undone but i couldn't wake up...then i felt cold,i was able to open my eyes a little, I could see him at the end of the bed with no shirt on & I was now on my back...then my eyes closed again & I was gone..into my deep sleep..until a sharp pain forced me to open my eyes & he was on top of me, inside me..I couldn't move or speak or scream, I was still so drunk i couldn't do anything. Then i was gone again, I heard him say "get up" after that but couldn't. I woke up to the sun beaming in my face,next to this guy with a condom lying between us & completely naked in a man's presence for the first time..not understanding how. I just laid there, unsure of what to do until he woke up and drove me to the train...it was a long ride home...that was the first time i was raped. I didn't think i was raped till those memories came back to me over time & I got a better understanding of what it was. I think about it every single day. No one knows this story.

 

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