Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

I was raped.

In aug last year I was raped by someone I thought was a friend. The support
has been non existant to say the least and the police,although they do
update me,come across as 'well you went into his room-and now your making a
complaint?' I'm falling apart and don't know how to cope anymore. I've been
called a liar even though he's changed his story so many times.I'm sorry I
don't know who else to ask.thank you for reading.

 

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21 thoughts on “I was raped.

  • Louise Pennington says:

    I believe you. x

    Rape Crisis operates a free helpline if you want to chat: http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk

  • Lucy says:

    I believe you. I am so, so sorry this happened, and that the police are failing so badly.

  • Lucy says:

    I believe you. It was not your fault! Sending good and positive vibes your way xox

  • jms says:

    You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, you’ve already come this far, stay strong x

  • Sue Rose says:

    I was SO saddened to read this! Are you in the UK? As Louise above says, follow her link. Contact victim support, (the police should have referred them to you), also consider Women’s Aid as they will know other avenues of support.
    http://www.womensaid.org.uk/?gclid=CIDIpY2k68QCFcSE2wodTagA6w

    You WILL be supported. My love, best wishes and support to you,
    Sue xx

  • netminnow says:

    I believe you. You are not responsible for the betrayal. You are not responsible for anyone’s cynicism, disbelief or lack of compassion. Victims of many crimes, including survivors of other violent predatory crimes are blamed or shamed for other people’s choice to hurt them. You have no guilt. If you are angry, or heartbroken or numb or frightened, please reach out http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk. They will have other resources besides “official channels”.

    Remember, the police ultimately are not there for you, the victim. They are there for the State. Sadly, victims here in the US, like there in the UK, are not the primary client of the criminal system. You might want to consider getting better information based on helping YOU and protecting your self-interests, in the way you prefer.

    G~d Bless and Keep you. minnow.

  • Sarah Learmonth says:

    All Rape Crisis helplines are confidential and some centres offer support and advocacy with the police if you want that. All services are free and independent, their ethos is to work with one agenda only – yours.

    All of the centres around the country are listed on the link Louise posted above.

  • Tracy says:

    I believe you. x

    Your rapist is the only person responsible for your rape. I am so sorry this happened to you, and that the police are failing you, and victim-blaming, which is unfortunately not uncommon.

    As others above have said, contact Rape Crisis when you can; they will offer you nothing but support and help. You will not be judged or blamed. No one who is the victim of rape is ever to blame, and this includes you.

    Best wishes to you.

  • Cath says:

    What a horrible thing to have happenned to you. It’s so hard to cope with, especially if you are not receiving the support you need. One of the things that helped me most was to talk to other women and realise that I wasn’t alone, none of this had been my fault and it was ok to feel all the conflicting emotions I had. Do ring Rape Crisis. You might think that there is no way out of the blackness for now, but hang on in there. There will be xxx

  • I believe you.

    Thank you for speaking out. It is not always possible. Please do seek support from Rape Crisis.

    You are not alone in your experience of struggling for validation and support. We are all standing together with you and other survivors in working to change this.

    Love and Light.

  • FireWomon says:

    I am so sorry this happened to you, and that you continue to suffer. None of this is your fault. You have been the victim of a serious assault. I would urge you to make contact with people who can and will support you. Other women have linked to these organisations so I won’t repeat them. What I will repeat – because it can’t be repeated often enough – is: I believe you. In sisterhood xx

  • Jerikogenie says:

    I am so sorry this happened. It is more common for an acquaintance rather than a masked stranger to rape us. You are among many women and girls who have borne this, who believe and support you and who have gone on to live happily, laugh again, love again and be loved. You WILL feel better in time and it will get less and less traumatic than now. Please contact Rape Crisis who will take care of you in every way you need or want. You’re brave and strong to have coped so far on your own but you’ve suffered too long in silence and fear so now you can let the very many people who DO care about you help you. Know that sisterhood is powerful and sisterhood will always be here for you. All the very best, sweetheart XO

  • Fiona says:

    I believe you.

    You trusted him and he betrayed your trust doubly.

    As everyone else has linked, call Rape Crisis and get some support and tell someone near you. Trust in your sisters to help you and hd you. You are not alone and this was never your fault

    I hope some of the messages here offer you some comfort. It will get better. My daughter was raped and I watch her daily struggle but it does get easier with love and the right support and counselling.

    Sending hope & a hug

  • NormanAwards says:

    Sorry this has happened to you and would second what everyone else says about getting in touch with Rape Crisis, they will really help you.

    None of what happened was your fault. You cannot be expected to assume that a man is a rapist so you’d better not be alone with him· If you did you’d be called an unreasonable man-hater so anyone suggesting that to you is being totally unreasonable and victim-blaming.

    We wish you all the best and hope you get some real life support to get through this.

  • milli tant says:

    1. I believe you
    2. I believe you
    3.We believe you
    4.I’m going through the system myself, I was told I was believed but my version (life) was a little off their true victim status…the system (the Police) said NFA
    5. I said, hold on a minute you haven’t done your jobs properly, if that were me I’d get sacked, also it is not your job to decide (fuckwits)I have a pro forma under (personal guidelines) of criminal justice case review board to do this and will post later….
    6. they capitulated…
    7. I instigated a MAJOR CRIME REVIEW
    8. CPS. said we are charging (4) of them
    9. since then…. 1 has topped himself, 1 has not turned up to committal hearing and is under warrant for arrest.
    10. keep going (if you can)….
    11. It’s a long hard journey, there is not much support around, go to RAPE CRISIS THEY ARE FAB.
    12. this is all hard, sometimes toooo much
    13. I don’t know what else to say
    14. thank you
    15. For your courage For your tenacity For your creativity For your strength
    Always in Sisterhood

    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
    what else to say

    • Helen says:

      To milli tant,
      You’re amazing and strong. Glad you found Rape Crisis. Remember you’re not alone xx

  • Helen says:

    I believe you. Rape Crisis can offer you support, probably counselling xx

  • Natalie says:

    So so sorry for what has been done to you, by his choice to hurt you and then the lack of support given to you. The system is such a mess. I’ve been through it & it is really hard. For me it was 9 years ago & although there are still days when it is hard & I still have PTSD, life can be beautiful and there is hope. Much love and sisterhood to you. xxxx

  • Acacia Eve says:

    I believe you xx

    • Acacia Eve says:

      …we care. I’m sorry that the system hasn’t shown that same concern. You’re not alone.

  • Flick says:

    We all believe you.

    I am so so sorry that you are going through this. You are incredibly brave to have gone to police. From what you have decsribed, it sounds like my own experience (16 years ago) was in similar circumstances and I never went to the police because people talked me out of it saying that I shouldn’t have been in the room with him.

    Stay brave, none of this is your fault, all of it is your attacker’s fault and that of the people who are victim blaming.

    xxx