I was assaulted and my friends won’t speak to me
Recently after a few stressful months I found myself in a full blown manic episode (I suffer from bi-polar disorder) I began doing things out of character and acting completely out of control. I broke up with my boyfriend, started drinking excessively and developed a dependence on cocaine.
I had plans to go out with some friends on Friday night and felt that it would be good to blow off some steam as I had just broken up with my significant other on Tuesday, which was an extremely difficult decision to make. He ended up at the same place and I was not emotionally prepared to see him. I went over board on the booze did way to much coke and at about 3 AM a girlfriend and I took ecstasy.
She didn't want to go home to her boyfriend because she was supposed to be staying sober for the month of February and didn't want to get caught high. She started asking around if there were after hours clubs or parties that we could go to and a guy invited us back to a party at the hotel he was staying at. I don't know why we went but we did.
When we got there the men maneuvered me into the bedroom and I remember kissing one. My friend says that she came into the room to try to get me out because I didn't look comfortable but the man became aggressive towards her. Two men blocked her from getting back in and she became uncomfortable and decided to leave. She did open the door to tell me she was going and at the point she could see that we were having intercourse.
I have no memories of any of these things happening. I went to a crisis centre to be tested and they found bruises on my arms consistent with restraint as well as vaginal tears.
Now neither the friend who left me there or our mutual friend will speak to me. They think that I'm lying and that I'm just irresponsible and a drunk and an embarrassment. Neither know that I have a mental health issue that makes me very susceptible to substance abuse and that in those moments I completely black out.
I understand that I put myself in the situation, but if I blacked out and can't remember anything is that rape?
Why won't my friends believe me or support me when I need them most?
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