I was assaulted and blamed for what happened.
Just about a month ago my closest guy friend sexually assaulted me. We were watching a movie with several friends on my bed and I was very stressed because it was a hard week so he was giving me a shoulder massage. When the others left for a few minutes he decided to take it further and slipped his hands under my shirt to "give me a good back massage." I froze and panicked and didn't say anything until he started trying to unhook my bra, when I managed to tell him to stop but he laughed it off as if I was joking and did it anyway. I went back to that frozen state, now without hope because even if I could fight back I couldn't physically overpower a guy as big as him. He finally stopped when the others came back in and treated it like a joke. If the others hadn't come in when they did, I don't know how far it would have gone. For me, a person who hasn't even had her first kiss yet, even what did happen was a huge deal because it's way farther than I've ever gone with a guy.
The next day I was terrified to, but I told the guy I was almost dating what happened. We couldn't officially date yet because of other reasons, but we had been hanging out and liked each other a lot, though we had never talked about being exclusive. He never made any indication that another guy giving me a shoulder massage was a problem, but apparently expected it. He blames me for what happened because I got in the situation. He had warned me before that he thought my friend had a thing for me but I trusted him completely and never, ever thought he would do anything like this. He said that I shouldn't have been alone with him on a bed and I shouldn't have let him touch me at all, and because of that this was my fault too. After a month of thinking it over he just decided that he can't date me. Now I've lost him as well after already telling my former friend that he is no longer a part of my life. None of the friends that I have told seem to understand how I feel and I expected the guy I was almost dating to be there for me but he just pushed me away and abandoned me when I needed him. He's never even given me the opportunity to say how I actually feel about what happened. Now I just feel completely alone because the two guys I used to see as most important have both hurt me and it was all out of my control. I know it wasn't my fault but it's hard to believe that when someone so important blames me.+
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