I Think It Was Rape (content note)
I had recently got in contact with a past friend. This event occurred today, Monday September 19th. The past friend told me to come over. I was, of course, hesitant. But reluctantly I went over to his house. We were in his room, he lied on the bed while I awkwardly sat on his couch. He started playing the movie 'The Forest.' In my mind, I just wanted to watch the movie but he had other intentions. I should've left as soon as he pulled me onto his bed. I told myself the farthest this would go would be kissing. Maybe a little foreplay. Fast forward, he takes off my underwear and automatically tries to have sex. I tell him I'm a virgin but that means nothing to him. I ask if he has a condom, and he goes off searching for one. As I'm laying on his bed, I know i'm mentally not prepared for this, I think I'll just tell him to stop before he even gets close to me. He comes back with a condom, puts it on and tells me to lie on the couch. Im nervous, scared, and close to maybe crying. As he gets on top of me, I tell him that I do not want to go through with this. But he does not listen. He tells me, "I'll go slow," "Shh," "Be quiet." repeatedly as I tell him to get off of me, that he's hurting me, that I don't want to do this. But each time I speak I'm "shh-ed again and again. He holds down my head so I can't make any noise. I'm in so much pain, I just want to cry, "this is all my fault" is all I can think. After what seems like forever he finally gets off of me and stupidly asks, "Do you just want to continue this some other time?" I, being shook, just say sure. When he left the room I quickly got dressed. I felt so disgusted with myself. My hands were shaking. I sat on his couch for a good five minutes then told him I was going to leave. He kissed me, hugged me and walked me out. This happened today September 19th. I'm only 18, and he's 20. I want to tell someone but I know I'll just get blamed for going over there in the first place. No-one will really take my side. I think I was raped and would just want nothing more than to forget this day ever happened.
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