Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

I Said No He Kept Going

I had this friends with benefits relationship with this guy. I broke it off and told him that I just wanted to be friends. One night he came over to my house and we were watching Game of Thrones on my laptop on my bed. He started touching me. I moved his hand and told him no, that I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to have sex. He said okay. Time went by and he started touching me again. This time trying to get on top of me. I pushed him off of me and told him no again. More time went by and he pushed my laptop off the bed and got on top of me again. I tried to push him off of me but he wouldn't move. He told me that he just couldn't handle himself around me. After a little bit, I stopped fighting. I just wanted it all to go away as quickly as possible. I've had everyone but 2 people tell me that it wasn't rape because I didn't fight hard enough and it's all my fault. I think that I even believed everyone at one point. If he didn't rape me though, why do I get nightmares and panic attacks when his name is mentioned. I can't be in the same room with someone who smells like him without crying my eyes out and running away. To this day people tell me that it was my fault, but it wasn't. He manipulated me mentally and physically. I wish that everyone else saw it the way that I do.

 

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2 thoughts on “I Said No He Kept Going

  • lynda says:

    Hi Ashley my heart goes out to you it is and never is the victims fault no means no and people should respect that no. Even you had a sexual relationship with that person as a friend or in a marriage or a consensual relationship boundaries and personal space always should be respected. It’s never ever your fault when are bodies are reacting in a normal way to being touch that is never ever anybodies fault. A normal natural response to being touch without are permission is we either fight, flight or freeze. It was and always will be the person who raped you who is at fault here not yours. Thank you for sharing your story it’s a brave and courageous thing to do. I wonder have you thought about talking to someone from an organisation that deals with trauma and rape it might help you process your feelings in a safer place and to talk about what happened to you. I send you my love hugs and my strength to you keep safe and take care Lynda

  • Les Morgan says:

    this is Rape