Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

I said no (content note)

When I was 16 I was seeing this guy. He was nice and really made me think he cared about me. After a few months he told me his mum wanted to meet me. Feeling wanted, I agreed.

After meeting up with him, we went to his house. His mum wasn't there but he said we could chill for a while until she got back. He brought me upstairs and we just played video games for about an hour.

He started kissing me. I was shy and this was the first time ever i had ever done anything with a guy so i didnt really know what to do. I was nervous and scared so i moved back. He was older than me, 19 at the time, when i moved back he pulled me back to him. i told him i wasn't ready for that but he laughed. he said that i should count myself lucky that he was even trying with me. I pushed off him and stood up. That's when he dragged me back and pushed me onto the bed, then climbed on top of me. I tried to push him off, I shouted and cried. He wouldn't listen and told me that I wanted it. After fighting back as hard as I could and screaming as loud as I could, he covered my mouth. I couldn't breathe. I remember his brother coming into the room, telling him to 'Keep her quite'. they argued for a few minutes while I still tried to struggle out of under him. He pressed harder over my mouth and nose then his brother pinned my arms down. the last few things I remember was not being able to breathe, trying so hard to fight back, trying to scream stop. before i passed out he took his hand away from my mouth and started taking my jeans off.
I woke up when his brother was buckling his belt. I don't know if he, if he done anything to me. I just remember flashes of the the guy I was seeings face on top of me, kissing me.
When I came around fully, I was alone in his room. my clothes were on the ground and I was bleeding. I don't remember everything, but I remember telling him to stop.

Because i don't remember everything, i didn't report them.

This happen two years ago. Last week I saw them in the place I work with a young girl, not much older than I was. I don't know what to do.

Please help me.

 

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3 thoughts on “I said no (content note)

  • Jean Hatchet says:

    I am so very sorry this happened to you. I understand completely why you did not report and am sorry you have to live with such terrible memories.

    You are not responsible for what they did to you and you are not responsible for what they may do to others. They are entirely responsible for their treatment of you and other women.

    Sending love.

    Jean

  • Susie says:

    I’m so sorry this has happened to you. If you feel able to please reach out for help and support. Maybe Rape Crisis (0161 273 4500) or a trusted friend. You don’t need to go through this alone.

    I’m sending my best wishes to you and love and strength.

    I believe you.

  • Lou says:

    What happened to you is terrible and you did nothing wrong. I hope sharing your story helps you and I hope you have other support or can get it. I see someone has told you about Rape Crisis. If you haven’t already called them then I hope you can and that you can move on but I know you cannot just get over it. Sending love and support.