Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

I hope my story count for something . . I was groped and why I did nothing

The last time I was groped I was in a local pub. Sat at the bar, I knew the staff and was with a male friend just catching up. Well this man who to say hi to as atvone point earlier in the month my friend and I had taken a day kayaking course and this man and his partial friend where also on the trip. Since then I had seen them around to say hello to but they where not so much my kind of friends so I really didn't get to know them.

Anyway so they where both there that night and the man came up and talked at me, I tried just to answer and be civil yet the next second he had, with some force, shoved his hand between my bottom and the stool I was sat on. He curled his fingers upward as he grasped at my vagina and anus area. I had jeans on at the time so although there was no flesh contact the actions he made where still graphically felt by me through the material.
In the past I have been abused and I went straight into shock. All I know is I had to be away from him and not make him angry, I took my tobacco stood up and went out side. I didn't know what to do I just felt sick. So eventually I had to go back in and see my friend. I didn't know what to say but was going to say something. However my friend had seen a man grope me and was upset and confused as to why I had done nothing. Why would I let someone get away with doing that to me. So far as he was concerned the grope was a minor offence deserving of a putting down but i was now in self protect mode and having some deep reactions of guilt and shame where already kicking in and I didn't know why it had happened to me and i was lost but I needed my friend to be there for me so I made light of it.

The thing is I needed my friend to react differently. I needed to hear such things as let's get out of here and make sure we are both ok because I just saw a man who may have just assaulted you in a very serious way and i want us to be safe and I think we should be able to talk about that. Would you like to do that.

So if that had happened I don't even know if what this man did to me is a criminal offence, have I the right to call the police and report that I have been groped. I don't know the laws. I don't know who to ask.

Who would turn against me for making issue of groping, would it bring me more danger to speak out. What that mans hand did when out of view was to intimately assault me but my friend could not have seen the details i felt so was he a witness. Would the police support me. What would happen.

If I can't take action can I still make a difference .



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