Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

I don’t know what to do now.

The first time I had sex with him it was my choice. I was under the influence but we all were, so I thought everything was okay. I was uncomfortable with a lot of the things that happened but I didn't stop him and I didn't say anything. I think that's why he thought it was okay to do it all again without asking and without listening to me. We were drunk again this time. I said I wasn't going to have sex with him but he kept touching me. I started doing things with him thinking that if I just got him off he would leave me alone but that just made him try harder. I stopped and said no. I said I didn't want to do any of this. I said I didn't like how he was touching me. I said I just wanted to leave. He didn't let me. I should have tried harder to get away from him but I didn't want to make him mad and I knew my friends who were upstairs wouldn't believe me. No one would believe that I said no. He fucking hurt me and didn't care. He didn't listen and he didn't fucking care. I don't know how to tell anyone that this happened. I don't know how to tell my boyfriend that I let this happen. I didn't try hard enough to stop him. But I said no.

 

We do NOT give permission for posts to be reproduced, translated or otherwise published elsewhere. We will not contact people who submit their personal experiences on behalf of journalists, bloggers or other third sector organisations. These testimonies remain the intellectual copyright of their authors and must be treated with the ethical guidelines used by academics for research involving human subjects. Our full guidelines can be read here.

Download this post as PDF? Click here Download PDF

, ,

Comments are currently closed.

2 thoughts on “I don’t know what to do now.

  • Emily says:

    I’m so sorry this happened. But it is not your fault and you should not blame yourself.

    This is not your fault. I am not an expert but it can be hard to talk to others about such traumatic things. I hope you have someone to talk to that you can trust like a teacher, trusted friend or family member. Although it will be difficult to say out loud I’m sure there are many people who love and care about you who will support you. No doubt it was hard to have to survive this and feel you would not have the support of your friends when you needed it. However, if you feel unable to confide in your friends there will be other people who will want to help and support you through this tough time.

    You did not deserve this and it was not your fault.

    I hope you are able to find someone you can trust and who you can speak to. xx

  • Anony Mouse says:

    It is not your fault.
    This person chose to ignore and force himself on you, you have done nothing wrong whatsoever he has.
    Anyone who doesn’t believe you, that says a lot about them and nothing about you.

    Please go seek out some professional counselling and help. This is a serious and traumatic event whatever anyone else around you may say or appear to think, you got get the help you need. And you know you can also take it to the police, even if there is no prosecution or charges it may just wake them up a bit to the fact it is not okay to force yourself ever!