Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

I am NOT a sex worker!

NB: this will probably sound so selfish and whiney and like I'm the only one who's suffering in the world and I don't mean it to. I know we all have problems and have experienced shit from men. I'm just venting and also hoping that IF someone reads this they could message me, IF they have any advice to give/if they've experienced the shit I'm going to write about. I would really, really appreciate it so that's why I've included my twitter name. Because I am well and truly stuck. So anything you could say that you think could be use to help me, please do tell me. Thanks. I'm not going to reread what I've typed once I've finished either, so apologies in advance for any typos and I'll probably be swearing, a lot.

ALL I SEE, READ AND HEAR IS PEOPLE STILL TRYING TO CLAIM THAT SEX WORK/PROSTITUTION ISN'T ABUSE??!!!!! LET ME GIVE YOU A LITTLE GLIMPSE OF THE SHIT THAT GOES DOWN. I SEE SO MUCH VICTIM BLAMING (FROM MEN AND WOMEN!!) THAT IT MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL! I DON'T REALLY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME BUT WHEN I SEE IT AIMED TOWARDS OTHER WOMEN, IT'S HARD AND IT HURTS BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA.

Whilst the whole world was looking forward to Christmas. All I and other women I know had to look forward to was Christmas eve, Christmas day and Boxing day in a fucking brothel.

THESE MEN DON'T THINK "YOU DESERVE A BREAK LASS, GO ON HOME TO YOUR FAMILY". NOTHING PAUSES FOR CHRISTMAS.

Christmas day they beat me so badly that I wasn't sure if I would live. They did everything to me. I'm still in pain. They raped me through the night until the morning. I can't sleep. I wake up at night smelling them on me. It will stay with me forever. I will always be dirty and stained!! But no, its my fault isn't it? Because I came here.....

I can also personally tell you how fucking painful it is to be on the phone for fucking hours seeking a bed for yourself because you fear for your life because you needed medical treatment after an attack. I told and no one helped me. That's just how it is I guess.

So hearing how a millionaire in Saudi Arabia "slipped and penetrated" a woman - it showed me that there is no hope. If men can say this sort of fucking bollocks and get away with it, there's no hope for someone like me.

Services like Eaves being closed down and funding for refuges being cut and fuck all is being done about it? How are women like me expect to escape, where do we turn, who do we go to? What kind of message does this send to those experiencing abuse?

It shows that we mean shit all. It shows that it doesn't matter that we quite literally get tortured in the most inhumane ways.

So, when we hear that services like Eaves are being shut it adds to the hurt WE feel. It shows how little women mean. It shows the noone gives a fuck about us. But if you're a *prostitute* you're not a victim are you? You're not going through anything? It's not abuse? You're getting money? And if it's ends badly it's you're fault isn't it because you put yourself in that situation?

WE ARE FORCED.
WE ARE CONTROLLED.
AND WE HAVE NO FUCKING CHOICE.

We grit our fucking teeth, we dissociate, we freeze, cos we can't upset the menz; so we suffer an utterly horrendous rape/beating. Whether it's for ten minutes or the whole damn night.

I am at least fortunate enough to be younger than these women (I'm under 20). Though, that's a blessing and a curse. Good, because I don't live 100% in a brothel. Bad, because when you're younger you're always seen as fresh meat. A man will always want to shove his dick in a lass than an older woman (given the opportunity). In their eyes you're like fucking Victoria secret model. So being inside their head is like "howay pet, this where we're going to go for this, this is what I demand, this is what you wear. You're a doll. Fulfil my fucking porn fantasies!" Because I am sex starved cunt!

(Btw I just have to say the women I know are the STRONGEST FUCKING WOMEN OUT THERE. We keep each other alive and that is one of the greatest powers of sisterhood! No matter how much you're hurting, no matter how low you're feeling, there's a woman looking out for you even when she's enduring a hell of her own! And that's something a bastard man can never break or take away from us).

They're scum. I would happily kill them all if I could and then kill myself.

As I type this, I sit here staring at a man who has fallen asleep and all I'm thinking is "the minute you wake up I have to sleep with you and there's nothing I can do about it." I also think how I let my life get to this point. How I let these men abuse me. But nah, I'm just "whore" so there's no way I could possibly have feelings, right?

WE ARE PEOPLE TOO YANO.

I don't like the term sex worker or prostitute because that's NOT what I am. That's NOT what the women here are. This IS abuse. I am NOT a sex worker. I am a young woman who is being ABUSED by men.

The only present I got were bruises like this all over my body.

The exploitation of a females body is everywhere. Wake the fuck up.

 

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One thought on “I am NOT a sex worker!

  • lynda says:

    I am so sorry that you have been treated like this you are right you are not a sex worker or prostitute you are a human being and a women. You deserve a better life than this you deserve to be treated with kindness love and respect. Your not a piece of meat that others willingly use your body to do what they want with it. I don’t know where you live but you need help and soon. Do you trust anybody in authority that you can turn to to access support to get out of your situation and feel safe and access proper support to keep you safe and help you move away from the area you live in. Your amazingly strong to write your story here and brave and courageous you have every right to not be treated like this. These men who use you in this way don’t deserve to have a life your not a commodity your a young women who has been given a poor start in life. That doesn’t mean you have to stay in this kind of life with the right support you can move and over come this it will be hard but not impossible to overcome. Please go to the authorities, you also might need to access medical care for what you have just told us you body needs time to heal as well as your mind. I want to know that I care about you and I send you my love and hugs and want you to know your not alone on this website their our many stories all different of abuse rape and pain many women men have suffered from and slowly we’ve all have overcome one step at a time. Remember we care about you and never forget your not alone take care my thoughts are with you at this time please access help.