Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

From ages 10 to teen years, classmates abused me. No one stopped it.

I went to a new school, at a new town, when I was a 10-year-old boy.
From 10 to my teen years, my classmates made my life a living hell.

I'm not going to say that this experience was sexual abuse, but some people may argue that some of my abuse was sexual abuse.

I came from a warmer climate, where people were easy going, + made their own fun.

My new school was filled with mostly kids who liked to verbally + physically abuse people, to make themselves look more important.

It was your reputation, your status: you didn't look good unless you put someone down that day, or physically attacked them.

I was raised by parents who taught me never to misbehave, + to never mistreat someone, so I didn't feel like joining my classmates game/habit of verbally, physically, and emotionally hurting each other.

Although, sometimes- if I broke my parents' rules, they hit me, spank me, or scream my face off for it...even if I broke the rule by mistake.

Of course, once they, the kids, figured out that I wasn't going to fight back, or defend myself...then they knew that I was "an easy target".

It is so sad when a town or a society blames you, + says that [you wouldn't have been beaten so badly, if you had just defended yourself].

You know: "you would've been hurt less, if you had just done better". That kind of nonsense.

I was never told that I could defend myself, or report the abuse. I was never told that defending myself was a right that I had.

When I was about 13, a guy pulled a weapon on a friend of mine. I told the teacher about it, later. She, the teacher, told me that she hadn't seen it...so that meant it wasn't her problem.

In a non-related event, another bully held a lethal weapon on me...I had to talk him out of doing me harm. He then laughed about it + walked away.

Later, in my life, a "friend" of mine told me something like: [so what? It happens a lot].

I doubt that. And even if kids being threatened with deadly weapons did happen a lot, it still isn't right, + "it happening a lot" doesn't make it any less [terrifying] to the victim it happens to.

A lot of the bullies were actual, real street fighters, from violent neighborhoods.

They were not posers. If they said they were going to beat your face until you bled, they would actually TRY to do it.

A bouncer guarded one part of our school.

I saw people getting hit, at school, every day. I worried about being hit/attacked + harassed, every day.
Every day was a routine of avoiding violence, + insults, + abuse.

In the school: you'd learn who the bullies + the people good at fighting were, AND YOU'D CROSS THE ROOM, TO STAY OUT OF THEIR WAY, and to try to avoid being hit + harassed by them.

I told a friend of mine about avoiding violent bullies at school. She said: "That's not a school. That's a prison."

Because I was timid, and liked art + drawing, their favorite insult was to call me non-heterosexual slurs.

I don't mean to insult non-straight people by mentioning that. That was just a harsh, cruel tactic they used to insult me.
They could have chosen any idea or name to cruelly insult me...my orientation wasn't important to them- they just wanted some insult to hit me with, + in the pre-1995 years, that's the worst thing that they could think of. To me, the pre-1995 years weren't kind to non-straight people. That's how I see it.

The kids could have chosen any insult, like, a name like, [knife-carrying serial killer], to insult + harass me with. It wasn't about my orientation, whether I may be straight, gay, bi, or any other orientation.

Their goal wasn't to single out people for being different, or at least that wasn't their goal with me.
Their goal was just to take a random name + use it to harass + bother me, as painfully as they could.

One of the top bullies attacked me by approaching me from behind, and grabbing + attacking my buttocks + lower body. Was he doing this to establish dominance? I don't know. In this attack, he also but his hand in my clothes and put his hand on...I'm sorry- I can't talk any more about what he did in that attack.

There were about two other kids, + me, who were known for not fighting back. Anyone could walk over + attack and verbally abuse us, any time these bullies wanted to.

Some teachers sent me to school therapists, to "help me talk out my problems".

To me: I didn't need [someone to talk to], I needed DEFENDING, or being taught how to verbally, emotionally, + physically defend myself. THAT'S what I needed. And I feel: people always need those things.

Years later, my family moved away, + I went to other schools. I guess that's kind of lucky.

I'm over 20, now. I deal with PTSD, + probably some paranoia. Even seeing pictures of my former school makes me feel scared to death.

Back then, the adults + teachers I knew believed that violence + violent crime happened,...but they NEVER believed that kids under 18 would do violence to other kids!

That was their thought- "that just isn't possible".

That's just stunning.

It DOES happen to kids, and it ALWAYS will be a danger that kids face.

Please teach kids + everyone: peace, kindness, understanding, + how to defend themselves from physical abuse, verbal abuse, and emotional abuse.

I just feel that everyone needs to learn these things, to be safe, and whole, and healthy.

Sincerely,

A person called Someone

 

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