Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Found My Voice

I came across this anti rape pants post, and felt my blood start to boil! Why is it that people are constantly trying to make women the ones who must protect themselves, carry a rape alarm, don't go out at night, don't wear revealing clothes, don't wear to much make up, don't drink too much, don't go to a mans home alone, don't, don't, don't, and then to top it off some bright spark has decided to come up with, rape pants, get a grip, i am so utterly bored!

Why is the word 'no' so hard to understand? Most of us were taught this word from childhood, so its not like we all don't understand the concept.....

Why should i have to tell my daughters that they must not do what they have the god given right to do, just incase some man decides he wants to hurt them? Women have fought for the right to vote, to recieve equal pay in jobs, to have the same rights as men, and to be treated as equals.

Still, we are made to feel that if we act a certain way men have the right to violate us, and that by wearing these pathetic rape pants, or not drinking and so on it may have been avoided! The only way a woman can avoid being raped is if she stopped breathing!

I rarely come out of my home, i don't wear make up, i don't wear revealing clothes, i rarely drink and only ever when I'm with my friend and I've been raped, so tell me where is the logic?! The again i wasnt wearing rape pants.......

So should i now blame myself..... what if this, and what if that, NO I SHOULDN'T, but for a long time i have. Why have i done this? Because with the help of my rapist, and society rape myths, not only did i believe that its my fault, i felt that i should have done more to prevent it from happening in the first place, I've been asked what i could have done differently and my answer is always the same, I DONT KNOW!

i have read lots of things about sexual violence and DV, and the only conclusion i can come up with is - not keep telling women what they are doing wrong and what they should do to avoid being raped, and or abused, but to teach boys and men how to respect the wishes of women, and to understand that women are not a sub species.

Rape is all about about power and control, and if a man has made up his mind that he is going to rape, he is going to do it, whether you are wearing rape pants or not.

It's a shame that in 2013 i am having to teach my daughters that they not only have do they have to work twice as hard as a man to be treated as equal, but that because of our justice system and the way that society portrays rape and abuse, that in order to be safe they have to behave like a 1950s house wife! I refuse to do this. There needs to be more education in schools, and as harsh as it may sound to some harsher punishments for rapists. When a woman is brave enough to report her experience she should not be further victimized, and made to feel she did something wrong.

We need to set a president that rape is not acceptable, under any circumstance.

Well, I think that's enough for the moment, but i have plenty more to share, and now that i have finally found my voice, i intend on using it!


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