Ending self blame
I struggle with self blame sometimes. I find this really frustrating. The is what I would like to say to my younger self.
I want to tell her it's not her fault. That she did her best. That she's still a child. That being hurt doesn't mean she's bad. That sometimes people chose to hurt people who are vulnerable but that being vulnerable isn't the same as being bad. That maybe she did stupid things but she didn't know better, didn't feel like she had a choice, that she was still a child. I want to tell her that being young and vulnerable doesn’t make it ok for people to hurt you. I want her to know that when she was small and she was told if she was good it wouldn't hurt, it was a lie. That some things just hurt and hurting doesn’t mean she is bad. I want to tell her that I know nobody seems to care but they are wrong, that I care. I want to tell her that people doing nasty things to her doesn't mean she is nasty. I want to tell her that yes maybe these men see something in her but what they see is not her badness it is her vulnerability.
I want to tell her that being hurt like that is not a punishment. That she doesn't deserve what they are doing. I want to tell her it's understandable that she is frightened, that she freezes, that she gives up, and it doesn't mean she is a bad person.
I want to tell her that is not her fault that nobody cares for her or that people blame her. That its not ok for people to do that.
I want to tell her that it won't always be like this. That she will get away eventually. I want to tell her that I'm scared too, that the things they did were so frightening that anyone wud be scared. I want to tell her not to feel bad about the times when she complied. That I know she did this because she was frightened, because she knew it was worse when she didn't
I want to tell her that one day someone will listen without judging her.
I want to tell her that not all men do this. That not all men enjoy hurting people. Not all men are turned on by pain and fear. Not all men what to do such nasty painful humiliating things.
I want her to know it's not her fault
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