Don’t know what to do
I don't know what to do because I feel so guilty like maybe I did something awful and I just need another perspective.
I was sexually abused as a child multiple times and my boyfriend knew this. I suffered from ptsd and an eating disorder for some time.
The other night I went out with my best friend. It was just us two and her boss talking at a bar when this older man came up beside me and said into my ear "yum you look like someone I can choke." Now my reaction may have been a little over the top but I thought i was going to have a heart attack. My heart was pounding, I was so hot my face felt like it was on fire and i felt like squirmish and disgusting and i wanted to jump out of my skin. We got a cab and on the way home my friend asked if I wanted to stop and dance and try not to let it ruin my night so I agreed. I literally asked her to block me off from people when we got there.
The next morning my boyfriend asked what we did and I said we went straight home from the first bar. I knew he would judge me for going out dancing and I didn't want him to have a temper with me especially because I was still upset. I figured I would tell him in person later that day.
But instead he said "you didn't go straight home. You went to ____ and decided to lie to me and now I see you lie." He wouldn't pick up his phone and sent my things in a package to my house.
I tried to tell him what happened and why I didn't want to talk about it but all he said was "god knows how you were acting with that whore friend of yours that gave this man a lead. Why did you let him approach you? You must have been allowing him to have a conversation with you. I thought you were different and I would take pride in telling people but you're the same as the rest of them"
I feel so bad that I Lied to him. I keep trying to apologize and tell him I just didn't want to talk about it but he won't hear me. should I just give up? I love him so much and I feel bad because he took good care of me.
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