Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

bullying and being blamed by the bullies

why does it seem ok for bullies to bully you and turn everything back to you for their behaviour. In a domestic violence situation your bullied in all of the situations with the person. Whether it's financial sexual physical and emotional. Has a person who has suffered from domestic violence to protect ourselves we become like the abuser in certain parts of our behaviour. We play the game to survive and become like robots albeit on automatic pilot to carry living normally on a day to day basis. Living with an abuser brings out the worst in us the anger, the pain, the lack of trust, the fear of other individuals as well as ourselves. We then become the bully whether it's to our children, our friends if we have any left, it's to our work colleagues ect ect. We didn't set out to behave in this way but we learn as we learn other negative behaviours in this type of relationship.

As going to a programme on domestic violence we learn the patterns of a abuser but what I learn also i and had to look at was my own negative behaviour to others. The way I interact or the way I spoke or behave some people don't acknowledge that but I learnt from the programme that we learn the negative behaviours in a unhealthy relationship. We do have to take responsibility in how we behave to others and acknowledge that side of ourselves.
Most of my life I've been bullied by single and groups of others bullying does have a detrimental affect on people own self esteem and self belief. Not only on their self esteem but in how they react to others often they are fearful around other people. Bullying has the affect on people going of work because of stress and depression or isolating and making another person feel so alone. If people know how bullying has affect on others how that person can end up being on the margins of society it can affect school,, work home, life, relationships and others self worth.

I see that we all have a responsibility in how we behave because we can destroy another's wellbeing and sense of who they are and what they can achieve with their life.

Though the bully might think good at times of their behaviour is fine it's not I have been bullied and I have become the bully at times in my own life. I didn't want to become the bully and for quite awhile looked at my own behaviour and how if affects others.

Any type of abuse has a profound affect on the victim for the rest of their life till the day they die. For some victims they act out their abuse because they feel less about themselves and feel they are not worthy to have a healthy relationship with others. While for others they hide their pain away and disassociate and become different parts of themselves. Some turn to crime, drugs, alcohol others shut of the memories of their pain because it's to much to handle and carry on with their lives shutting a part of themselves of for ever.

As a society were afraid to talk about abuse were afraid to see it's all around us in familes in education in all staturatury agencies in the government and the rich. We should have more legislation in safeguarding and also in educating are young. We should teach what is a healthy relationship what is consent what do to if we are being abused who to talk to about the abuse. We also should do this at age levels of each child and their own understanding and also their different abilities of each child like if a child has learning disabilities and cannot talk but uses sign language e.g (MAKATON SIGN LANGUAGE).

As a society we should think that we have abuse on all levels from a child to an adult is not acceptable if the courts are to lenient I see they should take a much harsher view point and give harsher sentences out then maybe just my suggestion then others might not do the crime in the first place. I also feel that things have to change in how social services and the police view victims slowly it's changing and getting better but often the non perpetrator of the crime is treated appallingly and is blamed and made to fell guilty because of their child being abused by the father and then they are made to feel they are the criminal. This has to stop I know agencies have to look at the family dynamics of a situation but if a non abuser parent comes to the police, social services to help their child then they are trying to protect their child from further harm abuse and shouldn't be treated in this way as if they had committed the crime but also go into their background or medical history of the non abuser.

We all have a duty to protect our young the vulnerable and the elderly disabled we need to start changing the legislation for the better to imp lent safeguarding legislation to protect all in the society we live in in the present and the future.

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