Boyfriend’s reaction to my rape disclosure
Last weekend my long term boyfriend and I were in bed together on Sunday morning. We were messing around (nothing sexual at all) and he rolled on top of me. All of a sudden I had a flashback type experience of something that happened to me 6 years ago and shouted at him to get off. It was strange because I know my current bf would never do anything to hurt me or force himself upon me, yet suddenly if was remembering an experience I'd buried deep and never think about.
The memory was of being raped by an ex boyfriend. At the time I didn't realise it was rape and until last weekend I don't think I'd ever referred to it (even in my own mind) as rape. But when my current boyfriend asked what was wrong I blurted out 'I just remembered being raped by an ex'.
My bf looked shocked and then said angrily 'I don't believe you' and walked out of the room. When he came back he said that he didn't believe me because I'd never talked about it before and when talking about a friends rape, had been horrified & from that he's presumed nothing like that had ever happened to me.
I explained that I hadn't known that it was rape at the time and had buried the memory since, but he said he found that hard to believe as I'm a feminist and very vocal about #ibelieveher etc. I couldn't explain it to him any further but I felt so sad that his initial reaction was not to believe me and accuse me of lying.
He's the first person I've ever told about this experience. I know that others have way worse experiences of rape than I did, so I wonder whether I am making drama out of nothing. I don't know. But I can't stop thinking about it now and feeling betrayed by my bf's reaction.
He has since apologised and said that he didn't want to believe it because he hates the thought of that happening to me, but I'm still feeling upset about his reaction.
I guess I'm sharing this because I think I need advice and support and to let others know that #ibelieveyou.
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