Boyfriend was raped
A few days ago, my boyfriend's boss took advantage of him. His boss is in a very high profile position and they were meeting for drinks to discuss my boyfriend's "career." His term at this position ends in one week, so it was also a sort of send-off. My boyfriend looked up to this person, who is ivy-league educated and extremely successful. He has my boyfriend's "dream career" and my boyfriend has spent the last six months trying to impress him.
So a few nights ago, the boss took him for drinks, began giving him shots of alcohol, one right after another. He then took him to a strip club and said "you're getting a blow job from a stripper tonight." My boyfriend said "absolutely not. I love working for you, but that's disrespectful to my girlfriend." He wanted to "appease" his boss, though so he went to the strip club and felt awkward, but stayed (being fed drinks the whole time). He continually refused the boss's demand that he get a blow job, and the boss said "I'm not going to lie I just want to suck your dick. I know it's inappropriate but I do."
Fast forward a couple of hours, they are leaving the strip club, they get into a cab, and the boss unzips my boyfriend's pants and starts giving him oral sex. The cab driver kicked them out of his cab so the boss got another cab and the same thing happened.
I NEED SOMEONE'S HELP. I love my boyfriend so much but I am struggling to accept this. He is scared, already in therapy, and when he first told me (the night that it happened - soon after) he says he felt intimidated .. like he "owed him" that because he kept disappointing him when he refused the blow job from a stripper.
My question / need is: How can I get over this? Even though I didn't witness this, I have my own imagery of what happened and it is HAUNTING me. I KNOW it wasn't his fault but I also worry - what if he is gay? what if I marry him and he leaves me to come out years later? I will be devastated. He is getting the help he needs and I am being supportive and loving (he doesn't have anyone else to talk to - except me and his once-a-week therapist). What do I need to do / think / remember so that I can heal from this? I KNOW it wasn't his fault, I KNOW he loves me and is feeling tremendous guilt, shame, and embarrassment. But I honestly feel panicky about it. I have so much anger. PArt of me wonders "why didn't you stop it? why didn't you think of me and just stop it?" I need to know WHY he didn't / couldn't stop it. This will help me accept and heal.
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