Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Boyfriend raped? Do I tell him I think he was raped?

My boyfriend is bi sexual, when I found out I asked him a lot of questions just to see what that meant for him emotionally and sexually. My concern was he may be using me as a cover up or down the line he may prefer guys over girls and leave me, but as we discussed things over and over I became comfortable with it
And he has proven he loves me over and over and promised he would always be honest and never would cheat on me.

A few days ago, we hung out and he started crying, I asked him to tell me what was wrong, he struggled to find the words and finally said, "I've been unfaithful"

I immediately was in shock because he is the sweetest person I don't think he ever would have cheated. Especially after he re assured me he wouldn't after I explained to him how I've been cheated on before. He can not lie. So,
I asked him to explain to me how he had been unfaithful,
This is the story he gave me;
(He seemed to be in shock and stuttered)
But he said it had happened hours before, he said he went for a hike in the canyon by his house like he usually does to clear his head because he had gotten in a fight with his family,
He went into the bathroom to pee, and he said that another guy was in there and looked at him and just started to give him a blow job

I asked him if he told him to stop,

He said he tried towards the end but it all just happened so fast. The guy looked at him and just walked away afterwards.

He was crying when he told me this, I don't think he cheated, I told him if that's the honest true story that it sounds like he was taken advantage (raped), he just was crying and kept saying "sorry, you deserve better, I never thought I'd do something like this to anyone"

At first I cried and asked how he could have cheated on me after he knew that that's the one thing I never wanted to go through again.

It's a couple days since and we decided we were going to stay together but it seems to me he was raped, I love him and am concerned for him and feel guilty for initially asking him why he would do that to me when re evaluating the story it seems to me he was raped, not unfaithful, I don't want to force that on him because I know he may be feeling so many mixed things, but please I need insight, does this story sound like rape ? If it does how should I handle this and talk to him about it? I

 

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