Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Being blamed for being assaulted

Since I was a child, I learned that sexual harassment is part of everyday life, and as a teenager, that it is my responsability to not to be sexually assaulted. Thanks to feminist websites, I began to learn to challenge that toxic believes, and I learned that the responsability to not to assault people lies on the perpetrator and on no one else.

Last Christmas a stranger tried to kiss me while I was on the street. He was highly amused on my disgust against him. When trying to get some support, which I needed really badly, I only got a "this is part of out culture" in the best cases. Since this did nothing but increase my suffering, I made the mistake to turn (via Internet) to someone from Germany I though he was my friend. He seriously told me in our conversation that "women should kindly learn to say no or to defend themselves". The little but important detail that my "no"s have been ignored an aweful lot of times, and that it is not always possible to fight the assaulter off, didn't seem to interest him.

Fortunately not everything has been bad. When coming back to Germany I could finally find people (both men and women) ready to listen to me without making any lame excuses to my assaulter nor blaming me for his behaviour. I also stopped lying myself about how the guy I once thought he was my friend wasn't that bad, so that now I see him for what he is: a misogynistic arse.

 

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