Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Battered Sibling is Actually a Syndrome

Girls and women get abused, but how it happens is through indoctrination of men and rendered null-numb women that think its okay to raise children in that way. But more so because its gives them a sick thrill perhaps to turn a blind eye away from sons abuse towards daughters. For me it was first physical abuse which then became sexual abuse, and as always, it was done as a means of control through fear and brutality. How can a mother look the other way, raising sons as abusers by proxy? Is it because she could not assert herself in a reciprocally respectful manner (disempowered women tend to do that), so had to use other people to carry out punishment? It would be astounding that so little heart or brain connection sensationalizes every thing to manipulate it and escalate it into violence, by throwing fits, then getting others to act upon it. That was the pattern set. My brothers both went on to abuse their wives too, and even in adult hood threaten me with violence, menacing, have assaulted me physically, hurl verbal abuse, stalking abuse, text messaging abuse, all for standing up for myself and saying I am not going to take it anymore. Its disgusting that as the youngest child, not only did I become the middle childs punching bag, but the object of his sexual molestation. I was so afraid and battered at that point, by the age of 8 until I was about 14 he did things I did not want done, I would wake up from being beaten unconscious to find him trying to penetrate me! Of course he did that part when no one was around, but there were plenty of other times the batterings would happen in full view and nothing was done, not removal of him or me from the home, or once when neighbors called police, she refused to press charges crying about what would happen to him. By 15 I knew I did not want to become pregnant by this brother so had to pull a knife on him, only then did the coercion into sexual abuse stop, but not the physical beatings or other forms of verbal and emotional abuse, I still had to fight that too. This middle brother would punch me in the face so hard I went unconscious, in full view of the entire school yard once, I about nine or ten and I did not want to sit next to him on the bus anymore as he had been telling his friends look at her she is a whore already pregnant with that blouse on. He friends said to stop, but he could not stop his joy of torturing me over a pretty flounced blouse I loved to wear, even that had to be turned into something disgusting, any joy taken away. These are but a few of my experiences growing up, when I even try to discuss these things as a mature adult with mom as to why I do not want her sneaking behind my back to take my kids to meet that uncle, she resorts to telling the other older brother lies that I am mean to her, and turns it around on me, getting him to scream and threaten me, they are in such denial of just how sick they are. I have friends who witnessed the abuse happen, who were equally afraid for me and of him, medical reports, police reports from even when mom had to called cops on the really violent brother, school reports from being sent in with a battered face, so bad that the school called my parents in and I asked for guardian ship of me to be transferred to an aunt or uncle but the type of parents that they are refused, because control over their house servant, wage providing 15 year old was more important. I went to work in part to escape them, but also because we were poor or so I was told. But they always had the things they wanted, I was given nothing unless conditions were attached, do this or that, more chores, more cooking and cleaning so she could spend time with the abusive brother, all his shrink apts took up her time. Dementedness set in, mom too is a victim, one of 9 children callously born in to extreme depressive conditions, the kind that women do not really do not but some god in the sky says she has to have or eternally feel guilty over if she does not. Then she marries my father was also blamed for everything until he left, but why she married him is because the same thing that was done to me was done to her. I told her I felt pity for her because her upbringing was similar and that is why she is the way she is towards me, figuring she would come to some sort of understanding, instead it made her angry at me enough to go and get her oldest son to hurl a stream of text and additional verbal abuse at me because she twisted it that I was abusive of her for telling her that. This brother himself is abused by her manipulation and he does not see it, and he witnessed first hand the abuse of me as a child and was although did not physically abuse me he was a verbally and emotionally abusive bully, venting his powerlessness in his anger at me for even bringing it up. It is the same reason he beat his wife not even one month into the marriage. His threatens that if I bring it up I will be strangled to shut me, but I say its nothing but to cover up the image of a perfect family they want to uphold, which is a delusion. That delusion is more important to them than truth or reconciliation. All they need to do is simple Im sorry these things happened, give a hug or comfort or any kind, but nothing, they are incapable of such a thing let alone to change- never ever an apology from any of them in my entire life. Instead, just bullying and threats to shut me up, so long as they can extort financial assistance from me, no respect need be given for surviving the torture that was and is being around them, for rising above the disgustingness that was my upbringing, despite everything they did to me, I managed to do well for my self, keep a roof over mothers head, pay bills, set aside money for care in old age. No, none of that matters. I was battered into the person I am today, the hated one, the thinks shes perfect one, etc, etc - they hate me for all of that, call me bitch., all sorts of names, make up all sorts of false accusations as a form of emotional black mail, just to try and hold it over my head. I didn't used to care either how far the go with the false accusations, that is until they got my own child to do it, then I knew I had to put a stop to it, get him away from the bad influences making him act like they do. It was then I began to realize how all of this works, that that is how they control you as your growing up, and how they've gotten away with what they did for so long. My advice to any girl that ever finds her self in similar situation is to get away from these people as fast as possible and never ever let them pick who they want you to marry, for if they do they will pick someone who will go along with them in how they treat you and even he doesn't in the beginning he will pick up on it and start acting just like they do, drive you crazy, make you doubt your own truth, tell you your the problem, that your anger at the situation is inappropriate instead of saying your righteous anger is good and healing to let it all out, he will participate in trying to silence you too. They will indoctrinate your kids into replicas of what they are, and if you try and stop them, they will make you pay in horrible ways. The choice to raise your kids with or without any man who refuses to support you 100% in what you do and what your truth is, is yours, not your families. Screaming demented brothers have ZERO rights to frighten you and threaten disownment for marrying or dating who you want to. I will always be disgusted by what they did to me in alienating the people I picked and loved, but that they would not accept. Now I know why, it was only to control me and get what they wanted out of me, continued access to consuming me through abuse of me, on who else could they get their crazy making traumatizing sick thrills off of....So get away, do not worry about whether that is the only family you have. Your sanity is more important. Had I to do it all over again, I would not chose to maintain a relationship with any of them, I would get as far away as possible. By not being near them there is no need to look back, or explain why what their doing to you is wrong, not that they care anyway, they laugh when they do it. We all know the symptoms of their sickness, from killing our pets and laughing about it, terrorizing us and laughing about, committing and denying the abuse and laughing about it. It is a pattern, one that has to be broken, one that it will take all your strength to break. But you can do it, and survive, more intact that ever before. In control of your own life, happy and free of abuse. That is the goal, only you can move you in the field of life towards that goal. Set your boundaries steadfast hold on to them, do not give an inch or they will take your life and try and destroy you for their own sick thrills. That is what they do, and it makes women all over the world sick, downtrodden, beaten, raped, the abuse is everywhere, media, blogs, just everywhere. Because its true, because its all coming out, and it needs to be told. So it can STOP.

 

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