Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

77 years ago

During a mother's day coffee date with my 91 year old mother, she "confessed" a secret she had only told one other person in her entire life. At the age of 14, she was raped. She "lost her virginity" to the adult son of her father's common law. (My mother's parents were divorced, he was living with this woman, but couldn't marry her because they were catholic). He was doing some farming for someone in the dunes of the Netherlands, and had asked her to help him. Once there, in an isolated area, he raped her. She "couldn't tell anyone". If she told her father, or his CL wife, they would have blamed her. She was scared, ashamed and hurt. She still feels all of that, 77 years later. She asked me and my daughter not to tell anyone.



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One thought on “77 years ago

  • Heather Downs says:

    tragic story
    my mother had a similar experience with her uncle – she was blamed when it was discovered. It contributed to her mental illness which subsequently cast a long shadow over my own life