Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

They Love It When We Beg

They Love It When You Beg.

This morning I clicked on a link on BBC News and my jaw dropped. It actually dropped to the duvet.

This is the piece.

It is full of victim-blaming.

The Government or as I like to call them the 'Men Who Care Nothing For Women', are about to send out letters to parents who pay and receive maintenance payments after separating informing them that the CSA is to be abolished.

And hundreds of abusive men will get that letter and laugh their heads off all the way to the pub.

Because, the new system, the Child Maintenance System, (or as I now think of it The System That Ensures Children Will Suffer) insists that women must enter into "family-based arrangements" and sort out their maintenance levels "amicably" or face a 4% fee to use a statutory support service to establish levels.

Now. Let's digest that for a woman who has been the victim of domestic violence and abuse.

She will be forced to encounter a man who has possibly subjected her to horrific violence and emotional abuse and she will need to ask him for money.

Are the Government on another planet? Don't answer. Yes Westminster is another planet. Westminster Planet is devoid of compassion for women at present.

Many women in abusive situations, along with all the other horrors that those relationships contain, are regularly subjected to Economic Violence.

The relationship is inevitably about power and control. Controlling the finances is one of the easiest ways a man will do this. It is very, very, frightening to be financially dependent on a man who is abusive. It is a regular tactic to threaten you with destitution and abandonment.

These men also take intense pleasure in making sure you know your lack of economic value. It is another way of killing your confidence stone dead.

The phrases are like this....

"I work every day like a dog for you and you do nothing but spend my money ....you're just a burden round my neck"

"If you do ...X.... I will leave you penniless...."

"If you leave me I will give you nothing...."

"Why should I work to support you? I'm not going to work any more. "

There are many many more. These men frequently control the finances and even if they don't they will still criticise how every penny is spent. They may take money earned away directly. They may prevent a woman from earning. They love it when you have to beg them.

Given that these men take joy in making a woman feel guilty about any money she has or asks for. Given that they take pleasure in making her feel worthless. Knowing that they make her scared of her present and her future. Accepting that she fears how she will keep herself and her children alive and with a roof over their head.

Is it then even human to insist, that such a woman, has cost the taxpayer enough already and blame her if she cannot "sort out her troubles herself" and subsequently charging her for doing it on her behalf?

Taking money from vulnerable women and children is criminal.

Forcing women who have escaped the most horrific and diverse forms of violence in a relationship to return and face the man who tortured her is barbaric. It is mental cruelty at the very least. It could lead to some very unsafe situations and it will never lead to any sort of fairness for women. Abusers do not face themselves voluntarily. If they can still exert any control over the woman this will delight them. If they can punish them this will really make them feel good. These men like to hurt women. The Government appear to be helping them.

The Government's view and argument as a result of this change in policy seems to be "Damn her for being abused and not staying with a man abusing her! Now she wants the government to help her ensure she has money to feed her kids? Well, what a cheek. Why can't she just be sensible and sit down and ask for what she needs? We've had enough of paying for people who can't just be reasonable. If they want our help they can damn well pay for it!"

Bottom line. Women suffer their abuse all over again. Children go hungry. Men walk away laughing.

This government is scandalous in its treatment of women and children. We have all been let down by their lies.

Join the hashtag started by @r2ph on Twitter this morning #LetDownByLies and tell the govenment the ways you have been lied to. Because compassion was the biggest lie they ever told and they are still telling it.

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One thought on “They Love It When We Beg

  • Kerry says:

    It will be horrific for women who have been subject to abuse in a marriage.
    It will also be pretty hideous for women who havent. Marriages rarely end amicably, and it is usually the woman who ends up as the resident parent as she has been providing most of the childcare prior to the split.
    I know there are many good men who pay over and above for their children, but there will also be many more who will not unless forced to, and now the resident parent will be forced to pay to get financial assistance.
    A classic case of the government shirking their responsibilities to save money.