Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Relationship Expert: Ladies, Want a Stalker?

In his book, titled “Food, Sex & Peace of Mind” (What A Woman Needs To Know To Keep A Man, self-styled "Life & Relationship Coach" Cheyenne Bostock aka Chey B writes "when a person shows you who they are, believe them."

I couldn't agree more.

In fact, that's the reason for this post. Unbeknown to him, Chey B provided the perfect example to illustrate his point.

In particular, Chey B may present himself as a "Life & Relationship Coach," whose mission is to help people build happier, healthier, longer-lasting relationships.” But if you look at the dating advice he gave Tuesday night to his more than 55,000 followers on Twitter, a different picture emerges:

#AskCheyBHumor Ladies: Want a stalker? Waste a man's time and/or money and you'll get one. 9:42pm

Show of hands if you read this tweet as a joke.

If you aren't laughing it's likely because you know stalking is a crime under the laws of all 50 states in the United States and most parts of the world.

According to the CDC's National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS),1 in 6 women and 1 in 19 men have been stalked during their lifetime by people they knew or with whom they had a relationship.

Under this serious, often violent crime of power and control, victims of stalkers live in a constant state of fear. There's nothing funny about that.

Not only was he “joking” about a crime that can escalate to murder, he tells women it's there fault if it happens to them.

This is irresponsible victim-blaming that can lead victims to internalize the crime,turning the blame and anger inward. As a result,the crime may remain unreported due to the guilt felt by victims that they brought it upon themselves.

Let's be clear: Chey B is wrong. As the National Center for Victims of Crime states: “You are not to blame for a stalker's behavior.”

Ultimately, I reported this information because I've been in the same spot as many of the women listening to Chey B. I soaked up information from many so called Christian relationship experts only to find out years later that what was taught to me was their own prejudices and contempt toward women.

It was perfect grooming for an abusive marriage.

I'm sharing this information because I don't want anyone else blaming themselves for abuse that rightly belongs to the partner.

Chey B sadly demonstrates that he has no respect for his audience and how they are impacted by his destructive words. He calls his critics haters which means he never has to reevaluate his beliefs -- something he tells his readers to do.

Should you listen to a coach who won't take his own advice?

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4 thoughts on “Relationship Expert: Ladies, Want a Stalker?

  • Dee Wilde-Walker says:

    Good grief!

    I’d never heard of this bloke before (what a happy reality that was!) so I went to have a look-see. It’s not just the offending tweet above that is the problem!

    Do people actually PAY this man for his coaching in how to be a ‘good’ woman in his version of woman-hating patriarchy?

    Ladies; avoid this man at all costs! Don’t take his advice. Don’t listen to his ‘ideas’. He’ll coach you directly into the worst realities a woman can experience!

  • SteenFox says:

    I love how CheyB stole that famous Maya Angelou quote “When a person tells you who they are, believe them.” I guess none of his fans know who Angelou is, so his plagiarism is safely guarded.

  • You should be using your writing skills and insights more often. Well-written and sincere articles are what public want, not just lip-service nonsense like the Chey’s of the world.