Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Judie Finnigan (content note)

I have only read a small amount regarding Judie Finnigans comments but enough to understand that people are under the illusion that some rape is less damaging than other rapes. What they seem to forget when they are making these comments on how it was a non violent form of rape rape victims read and think what they have been through isn't rape or wasn't that bad as it doesn't fit in to the narrow constraints of what actually is seen as a acceptable definition of rape. All rape is damaging, all rape has a impact on the victim and the victims friends and family, regardless of physical injuries the psychological scars are often the hardest to heal. Victims don't just for get their rape, its often the victim that suffers a life sentence whilst the rapist thinks he can serve a minimal sentence and then just pick up his life where it left off. If only it was that simple for their victims.

Maybe Judie Finnigan would like to know I was raped and abused in the safety of my own home, in the comfort of my own bed by the people who should of loved and protected me. I guess that constitutes non violent rape as well. Categorising rape is damaging to victims as every victim should name their experience in the language that best suits them. They shouldn't have to think their experience doesn't constitute rape because they knew the person, because it happened in a warm hotel room, because they knew the person or indeed because they suffered at the hands of someone who should of protected them.

In my circumstances my fathers & male abusers rape would be seen by Judie as non violent rape as happened at home in the comfort of my own bed by people who should of protected me. I guess the rapes I suffered at the hands of my mother & female abusers not even on the scale of rape because the legal definition means I didn't even suffer

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2 thoughts on “Judie Finnigan (content note)

  • Liz says:

    Well done for this Michaela. It can’t be said too often. Only the person who was raped has the right to speak about the way it affected them. Rape is always rape. Those of us who were raped by our mothers know that their colossal betrayal has left us with a lifetime of pain.

  • Steve says:

    Hi Michaela,
    I’m now ashamed to admit that I held a similar view to Finnigan – that rapes were a matter of degree and violent incidents were worse. But, from reading your message, I understand that, though details may differ, the immense trauma is present in every experience. Thank you for enlightening me. I’m so sorry for your suffering.