I felt safe. (*Content note – description of rape)
This just happend about a month ago. It was a friday night/saturday morning. I'm 16 and I live with my mom and our roomate that lives downstairs with her son. My mom and the roomate work together painting houses and they were staying at our roomates relates house while working out of town.
A while later our roomates cousin wanted to stay with us in the city for a night so he could catch a bus in the morning to a diffrent city, since my mom stayed at there place she said yes and he spent the night in my home , I wasnt home I was at my dads. The next day my mom called me and told me our roomates cousin was there and I came home to visit him before he left because I met him once before and he seemed like a really nice guy.
At around 7pm we left my house to take him to the bus depot so he. Leave and I could buy a ticket to go to edmonton to visit my boyfriend that iv bin with for 16 months. Before we got there me my mom and my moms friend were talking about drinking at my moms friends house and this guy said he would stay one more night so he could drink with us. So he stayd.
We got to my moms friends house I called my boyfriend just to let him know my plans for the night he asked me if I was safe, I said yes he herd a mans voice and was instantly worried but I told him I'm drinking with my mom so everything will be fine and our convo was over. We went in the basment to drink , we were having a really good time . I played my guitar , we danced . Everything was fine. My moms friends dad said what I wAs wearing was innapropriat and he told me to change. I had clothes there because I was doing laundry. As soon as my stuff was dry I put on pants . I put them over top of nilones that I was wearing becasue I had no underwear on. So we were drinking still and I sat beside the roomates cousin and the friends dad pointed out that this guy was flirting with me , I had no clue because he was saying things to me I hear all the time. "Your amazing at guitar" "your going to be famous" all that jazz . And my mom dint think much of it eather. But the friends dad got mad and kicked us out. My mom drove us home just me my mom and this guy. We got to my house and sat in the kitchen.my mom asked me to go to bed but I dint want to because it was 5am and I dint wanna mess up my hours so I was going to stay awake all day.she went to bed.I went to my room and put on pajamas I took off the pant and nylones and put on the first things I saw , a green pair of shorts very lose shorts no underwear underneath but you could see anything plus I never thought this 34 year old man would think of me in any sexual way just because of what I was wearing , I'm 16 , dint think any one over 20 would think that way about me. I guess I was wrong. I sat on the couch and turned on the tv I wAs watching a movie.with him sitting on the other side of the couch, I felt safe, I was in my own home just watching a movie with our guest. But somthing went wrong . I guess while I wAs zoned out on the t.v he must have undone his pant with out me noticing . Because before I knew it he was over me. He went to kiss me and I puched away his face.biggest mystake I made wAs pushing his face and not his full body.then he just forced his penis into me. It hurt. Horibly hurt.I through him off of me and yelled"Fuck you I'm going to fucking bed" and left to bed.he then came to my room and started to appologys, I kept saying "get out of my room" and he left. In the morning he came into my room and started talking to me. I was afraid of him I quikly sa on my bed and scooted to the corner.he acted as if nothing happend at all.the hole day I sat in my room , I called my friend amanda and she came over I told her everything . I was afraid to tell my mom with him in the house and I was afraid ll my boyfriend but I knew I had to tell him as soon as he got off work... I left with my friend . All I could think about all day is I don't want to live. I felt discusting. Even tho I bathed I felt dirty.my mom took him to his bus and he left. Then I went home and told her.
She was mad at me .... She blamed me for I was wearing earliwer in the night. She kept blaming me.......... We went to the cops. They told me my story dint add up and that maby I slept with him on purpose but lied and said rape because I have a bf......I don't know who would do that.stupid. But I'm kinda scared if it goes to court because I recently found out this man who raped me has killed a man before and he could come after me.
My mom lost 2 friends over this and she blames me . Over and over . She says it my fault. It made me want to die even more. I still think that it is my fault.and still think about harming myself but I stay strong for my boyfriend because I love him and he has bin the onlyone there for me through all of this.
I still don't know what to do or think. But I hope it will get better. There is an image of what I was wearing