Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

angry at #sexontrail

PART 1
THE PARTY.

First of all, in my opinion, separating the boys from the girls in order to watch this because it may be uncomfortable is not only pointless, but pathetic, why? because rape is not comfortable for anyone to watch, whether alone or in a group setting, so being in a room with just boys or just girls doesn't make it easier to understand or watch.
and as for the comment, did gemma consent to the oral sex, well no, she couldn't have, because there was no oral sex, all i saw was rape by penetration of his penis in her mouth. now again just my opinion, but i worry alot for the young man in particular that goes on to mention that gemma had some how caused this guy to rape her because she had led him on, well my response to that would be, god help all women who look at, smile at, talk to or hug any male at a party, cause this idiot thinks thats an invite to be violated....
and for him to then go on and laugh and state that if another man put their dick in his mouth and he didn't want it there he would say no, well would you really, are you sure you wouldn't freeze, or go numb, maybe try to process what was happening to you whilst in a drunk semi conscious state?

im not so sure!!!

ok, now as for being in a relationship in the past, what the hell does that have to do with anything, that does not give him the right to her body anytime he feels like it, he doesn't own her because they once had a relationship, this gives him no more right or power over gemma than it would anyone else. and hello, what miscommunication, there was none, he did all the talking, she said nothing the whole time, there was nothing to misinterpret. So many times ive heard this comment, well he is usually of good character, or hes a nice guy, come on people, dont we all know by now, rapist can look like anyone, rapists can be parents, brothers, doctors, police officers, people from any and all walks of life, if all rapists looked like the boogy man then we would be more likely to avoid them wouldn't we im mean duh!!!

and as much as i understood what one young man was trying to portray when explaining he though she was afraid and came across as weak, id like to say, rape victims are not weak, they are strong to survive what has or is happening to them, its not weakness that causes you not to fight back, its fear that freezes you! and here we go again with well it was only oral rape, its not like it was a violent rape, please, shut the hell up. all rape is violent, rape is an act of violence, there is no such thing as, nice rape, not so bad rape, sort of rape, kind rape, RAPE IS RAPE, IT IS A HEINOUS,VIOLENT, TORTUROUS ACT, WHETHER ORAL, ANAL, OR VAGINALLY!!!

and as for the term rape being to harder word to describe the male involved, erm, no, when you rape someone, you are therefore a rapist, like when you steal, you are a thief, when you start a fire, you are an arsonist, when you purposely kill someone, your a murderer, if you rape someone, YOU ARE A RAPIST!

Just because gemma did not say no, he should not have assumed that she meant yes, saying nothing does not equal consent, saying nothing is a no, as far as im concerned anyway. im so concerned for some of these young girls, like the one that said, oh i think its just one of those cant be arsed moments, so you just let it happen, no, sweetie, you dont, you never just let rape happen, its not something you just take on the chin, or take one for the team, its never ok.

and lastly, as for the host saying its been really interesting, hearing what everyone had to say, id have to disagree 100%, i found it shocking, upsetting and very disheartening.

PART 2

THE DEFENSE.

whenever i send texts, messages and so on, the majority of the time i end them with xxx, so often in fact i do it without realizing at times, but this does not mean that every person i have ever messaged, texted, invited round for dinner or a coffee, or to watch a movie that as well as the coffee or dinner you may also rape me, i mean hello, am i sounding ridiculous yet. and wow they went out for 3 months, big flipping deal, again, not a reason to rape! and again flirting with someone is not inviting them to rape you, it is what it is.....

FLIRTING!!!

And ok she sent some pics of her self via snap chat, so fucking what, there was no caption with it that said, rape me!

and so what if it was two weeks before she reported, some people don't report for years after being raped or sexually abused, its not an easy process, and self blame and guilt are instrumental in hindering victims of RAPE. and again rape is not a misunderstanding, its a vicious, and violent crime.

i feel sorry for the young girl who said that gemma had taken this situation too far, when she could have stopped it right there and then, it wasn't down to gemma to try and stop her attacker she did the best she could do to keep her self as safe as she could under impossible circumstances, what are our young people learning, its an absolute must that education is taken into schools and colleges to talk to young people about consent, rape and sexual abuse, and spoken to by trained professionals, or someone with any common sense or knowledge surrounding sexual violence, cause this host has no clue.

and again he says, yep guys that was really good, no it wasn't, he could have taken that opportunity to really explain what was actually happening and he failed miserably.

PART 3

THE PROSECUTION

what else is there to say, he knew there was no consent, got it on gem, not she was not that into it but hey, party is a party, HELLO, RAPIST!

BBC THREE HAVE REALLY DONE A DISSERVICE TO ALL YOUNG PEOPLE AND THE PUBLIC WITH THIS SHOW, THEY COULD HAVE REALLY USED THIS OPPORTUNITY TO EDUCATE SO MANY, BUT INSTEAD HAVE JUST REINFORCED ALL THE TERRIBLE RAPE MYTHS THAT WOMEN HAVE BEEN FIGHTING FOR YEARS, IM SO GLAD MY DAUGHTER HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS SHOW, AND THAT SHE KNOWS AND UNDERSTANDING OS CONSENT.

EDUCATION FOR YOUNG PEOPLE IS A MUST AND ALSO FOR SOME PARENTS SO THEY CAN TALK TO THEIR KIDS, LETS MAKE AN EFFORT TO DISPEL RAPE MYTHS, INSTEAD OF ENCOURAGING THEM. #feelingtriggeredtraumatizedanddeflated

BBC THREE, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED!

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