Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

A letter of complaint to the Metro

I am writing to express my concern at your article: 27 things men do in bed that women hate which confuses rape with poor sexual etiquette. It is incredibly concerning that you have published such an article without recognising that many of the 27 items constitute rape or sexual assault

Below are a number of the points listed. I have written in bold what is wrong with them:

 4. ‘When they think it’s sexy to spank you so hard that you just want to turn around and punch them in the face.’

Without consent this constitutes assault.

 7. ‘When you give them a blow job and they start f*****g your face as if you don’t have a gag reflex. How about I’m sick all over your penis?’

Again, without consent, which is clearly not given in this scenario, it is sexual assault.

10. ‘When you’re in the middle of foreplay and they thrust a finger up your bum with NO warning.’

This is sexual assault.

 13. ‘Putting their fingers in all your holes at once like they’re playing some sort of instrument. Far too confusing, you just don’t know what’s going on down there.’

The implication here is no consent which is sexual assault.

14. ‘When they think it’s a good idea to stick objects in you. Just no.’

No consent = sexual assault. 

15. ‘Casually trying to have anal sex without asking and without lube. It does not just slip in there.’

This is rape.

16. ‘Being so aggressive with their hands during foreplay that they pretty much give you internal bleeding and bruising.’

The lack of consent in this scenario is sexual assault.

17. ‘Nipple biting. It just f*****g hurts.’

Again, that pesky issue of consent

18. ‘Pulling your hair so hard you scream and your eyes water.’

And still more pesky issues of consent.

The Sexual Offences Act of 2003 is very clear on issues of consent, as are the National Union of Journalists guidelines on how to report violence against women and girls. You need to consult Rape Crisis or Ending Victimisation and Blame to request their assistance in writing a correction to this piece. Anal rape is not a joking matter and consent is not a difficult concept. There is absolutely no excuse for you to publish an article which implies that anal rape is a matter of poor sexual etiquette on par with poor hygiene.


I would like a response to this email acknowledging my complaint and detailing how you will fix your egregious error.




Louise Pennington

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5 thoughts on “A letter of complaint to the Metro

  • Gill Ward says:

    Thanks L for writing such a brilliant response to a blatant example of the Metro’s disrespect towards women and girls and thinking it acceptable to treat consent, sexual assault and rape in an article with an incomprehensible ‘humorous’ slant. This ‘news’paper is widely available, read by many on the daily commute and I’ve seen school kids reading it. I hope the Metro respond appropriately and quickly. Maybe even consider an article with, as you point out, input from specialist organisations on attitudes towards women and girls and the prevalence of gender-based violence? I’m always moon on a stick thinking but she who dares………

  • Hecuba says:

    All of the above points listed in article are acts of male sexual violence perpetrated against women/girls. Note this women-hating article created by Metro promotes male belief that males are entitled to sexually use women/girls in whatever sexual manner they wish because women and girls aren’t human but merely males’ disposable sexualised commodities.

    Metro’s article is an instruction manual informing males what sexual acts they can subject women/girls to with impunity.

  • (Dorothy ( Sue ) Laqua says:

    thank you for this response. The continual unabashed social belief that just taking a women sexual is okay is beyond insane. I hope that people ban together and refuse to purchase any newspaper or magazine willing allowing this stuffthe demean women. Thank you again

  • Red says:

    Wow. I am stunned with the original article. Unbelievable.
    Tomorrow (Thursday 8th May 2014) http://www.radiotimes.com/episode/cvzyqz/blurred-lines-the-new-battle-of-the-sexes blurred lines on BBC2 21.30 – 22.30

    Radio Times online writes
    “There’s been a wave of disgusting online abuse directed at women in the public eye recently but is this just an example of free speech? Should women “man up” and ignore sexually explicit insults? Or do these offensive comments reflect changing attitudes that have far-reaching effects for women?”

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