Sexual Pleasure & Orgasm during abuse and / or rape.
(Content Note - non-graphic description of sexual pleasure during sexual abuse)
We’ve noticed a running trend in our website searches recently, and we wanted to address what appears to be a gap in the information our site provides. The topic is still considered ‘taboo’, and very rarely spoken about. We’d like to help change that, and also have an honest discussion and help to provide the sort of support that women and girls are telling us they need.
We will use the term ‘sexual abuse’ to encompass all abuse that is of a sexual nature; including childhood sexual abuse, sexual abuse as an adult, inappropriate or unwanted sexual touching and rape.
One of our most regular search terms is ‘orgasm during sexual abuse’ or ‘orgasm during rape’. Both of these are actually really common – it’s just that we don’t talk about them.
Sexual organs are designed to react to stimulation in particular ways – and that stimulation is meant to induce pleasure. The individual organs are not designed to differentiate between types of touch and the response is an automatic reflex. The vagina may dilate and lubricate during rape – this is your body trying to help reduce the risk of injury. The penis may develop an erection and/or ejaculate. You may orgasm from clitoral stimulation. It is not something you can control, and it is not something you should feel ashamed of.
Many abusers deliberately induce a pleasure response in those they are abusing; this does not meant that you ‘wanted’ or ‘liked’ the abuse. It means your abuser was manipulative and wanted you to take responsibility for the abuse.
It is possible for us to feel pleasure from the stimulation but not consent to the abuse. Sexual pleasure does not equal consent – abuse is abuse, regardless of how your body responded. Our bodies cope and manage sexual abuse in ways that we find difficult to understand; but we know that this does not absolve the abuser of blame. Our bodies cope in many different ways, this does not mean we are to blame.
We don’t believe your abuse is less ‘valid’ if you experienced sexual pleasure, or even if you didn’t.
We know all of the blame for abuse lies with those who perpetrate it.
We believe you and know it wasn’t your fault.
Support for women & girls who have experienced sexual abuse / rape, whenever it happened:
http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/ (England & Wales)
http://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk/ (Scotland)
Support for men & boys who have experienced sexual abuse / rape whenever it happened:
‹ Victim Blaming: A response to a comment submitted to our site. Trauma & Recovery: Miscarriage, Rape & Domestic Violence (Content Note) ›
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This taboo subject would also be a barrier to reporting and abusers know it. Thanks for writing this.
I was talking to (explaining to) someone only yesterday about this!
Thank you so much for posting, this needs linking to other sites, such important and little talked about valuable information.
Really appreciate this being written about and getting into public discourses, thanks @EVB_NoW
Such an important and under addressed point. For children who have been abused, this is a significant point of confusion, in that we talk about abuse in a negative manner (for obvious reasons) but there is no or little acknowledgement that there are pleasant sensations. So many children do not understand that what has happened to them is the same as the abuse spoken of by adults.
A much-needed, clear, honest and supportive message – definitely a taboo subject and little information or discussion on it. Thanks for writing.