Everyday Victim Blaming

challenging institutional disbelief around domestic & sexual violence and abuse

Debunking some of the myths around rape.

We've had a comment which has failed moderation - however, it contains numerous myths that need to be addressed, so we are publishing it here. The name of the commenter has been withheld.

There is nothing I hate more than the feminists who promote the idea that if a woman does anything to be proactive about her safety then she is complacent in her rape or that if you suggest a woman be safe you are “rape apologist” or some shit.

So, those who commit violence are hated less than feminists who bring attention to it.

Rape Apologist definition: The simple answer is that a rape apology is any argument that boils down to the myth that rapists can be provoked into raping by what the victim does or does not do. (source Feminism 101)

Fact of the matter is that no many how many feminist “teach men not to rape” seminars/campaigns you have there are still going to be sick fucks who DO NOT CARE!

Yes, there are always going to be rapists. Unless men stop raping, of course. We can teach our boys to behave like decent human beings and we can have a fair and proportionate criminal justice system for those who choose to rape.

So yes if you go to a party full of mostly strangers and drink yourself willingly to blackout stage…you have some fault there.

Most men are not rapists. Most men would not rape a woman who was incapacitated.  If they do, they are rapists.

If you insist on walking in a bad neighborhood alone at 3am…again you’re putting yourself in that vulnerable position.

Most rapes do not happen in 'bad neighbourhoods at 3am'. Most rapes happen in a woman's home, committed by someone she loves or knows reasonably well, if not well. Approximately 90% of rapes are committed by someone known to the victim.

If you’re willing to take a drink from someone you don’t know well and that you didn’t see prepared…again partly on you.

Most rapes are not committed by men who offer women drinks in order to incapacitate them.

If you hitch a ride with some guy you just met…again not too bright.

Most rapes happen in a woman's home, committed by someone she loves or knows reasonably well, if not well. Approximately 90% of rapes are committed by someone known to the victim.

As a female is boggles my mind how naive and stupid my gender is when it comes to their safety. I don’t enjoy the bar scene much but I have friends that do. Every now and again I’ll go out with them. I’ve seen them take drinks from men they never met and they didn’t see being made. I’ve seen them take rides with total strangers. I’ve watched them get shitfaced drunk in rooms fully of (mostly) strangers to them.

Most rapes happen in a woman's home, committed by someone she loves or knows reasonably well, if not well. Approximately 90% of rapes are committed by someone known to the victim.

A lot of women seem to hold this naive view that because they are female that everyone automatically looks out for them. That’s not true. Also feminists promoting this narrative are dis empowering women not empowering them.

I've never heard a feminist suggest that being female means everyone should look out for you. Feminism is the liberation of women from oppression, clearly acknowledging that women can, and do, look after themselves.

There is a HUGE difference between saying “It not your fault”, which it never is when someone commits a crime against you, and saying, “There was nothing at all you could have done to prevent it.”

If you 'prevent' your rape by not being 'that woman' at 'that party' being 'drunk'; not walking in 'that neighbourhood' at 'that time' or not accepting 'that lift', then 'that rapist' will probably rape someone else. But that's OK. Because it wasn't you.

NO.

We have found that many women share this view, and we understand it. We are not against safety advice for anyone. We understand that we want to reduce our vulnerability; to minimise the perceived risk. We understand the risk assessments that need to be made, in order for us to feel 'safer'.

What we do object to is safety advice targeted at a particular group - in the case of rape, usually women. If we are going to tell women how to avoid being raped, what is the problem with telling men not to rape women?

Why can't we have advertising campaigns saying 'Don't be that guy'? Why can't we tell men - 'Don't rape vulnerable women walking alone at night'? Why can't we tell men 'Don't rape your wife/girlfriend/sister/daughter'?

Why is it always the behaviour of women being policed? Why are feminists who highlight this issue, the target of vitriol? What is wrong with telling men, instead of telling women?

The suggestion made by these comments is that men cannot help themselves. That they will rape someone; anyone, and we can't do anything to stop it.

Men can manage not to be rapists.

Many of them do so successfully.

To suggest otherwise is a particularly low view of men, and one that is not supported by this organisation.

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